Pan-chathantra

Five ideas to create better advertisement campaigns for pan masalas

One of my biggest recent surprises in life was seeing my childhood hero SRK become a pan star. One thing led to another and now we have one of the most scintillating contests in the history of the country ever

I say, let us up the game

It’s a case of neutralization. Every brand is now backed by not one, but two celebs. So how do you make sure yours is the one people will buy? How will people differentiate?

1. Avengers Assemble. Two doesn’t cut it. See what Farah Khan did with Om Shanthi Om 15 years back. 2 is rookie numbers. Bring together at least 30 stars. A photo of them together should be so big that customers will buy two packets to just view it fully. 

2. Go the Rajamouli way. Your ad should have Virendar Sehwag dressed up - as a Pan-diya Warrior in a battlefield. He gets punched brutally in his face by his opponent Sunil Gavaskar, and he spouts blood. But, he still continues fighting like nothing happened. Gavaskar is confused. So are the audiences. Turns out that the red liquid was not blood, but it was… 

    We cut to Sehwag saying - 

Kamla Pasand. Confuse your opponents 

3. Let’s be Pan Indian. What is stopping you from bringing in stars from all over the country? Do you think people down south don’t consume pan masala? We have tons of paint brands here, but ever wondered why they don’t sell red paint? Because they don’t need to. We paint the buildings red ourselves

4. Audience Pan-dering. Start mentioning that your ingredients are hand-picked from the Himalayas and your product contains immunity boosting herbs. Don’t forget to add stuff like “Loved by Indian mothers” or “Get a chance to win a free frying…pan”

5. Partnerships. There’s a lot of potential here. Partner with toothpaste brands and give out free samples with a purchase. Partner with insurance companies and hospitals that offer attractive discounts and packages for those who get cancer using your products. Partner with cricket players - gone should be the days when they used to play with bats that said MRF and Britannia. Their cricket bats should have your brand as the sticker

With these mouth-watering ideas, your brand will successfully give the competitors a pan-ic attack. Don't worry about the pan-demonium that this might create on the internet. Be patient - as your customer also will soon be - with due time, we will all abandon this cancel culture, and progress together towards a cancer culture